Five Points, Vol. 1 No. 2Winter 1997
From Eavan Boland, “I’ve always believed that poetry has a story, and that it has a story that you can uncover.”
When I was 41, I had a 14-year-old lover who made me extremely happy. After some months she took an interest in someone her own age. I’m 60 now. The loss keeps coming back to me. Almost every afternoon, I find myself standing at my office window, hands behind my back, and gazing out over the lake, so pierced by Marcy’s absence that I envision myself bursting through the glass and sailing down into the traffic ten floors below.
Should I ever do such a thing, the sole person on the planet who would understand it is Marcy Bunkleman. She no longer lives in this city, but of course her mother would tell her about it within a day or so. Some comfort comes to me from knowing Marcy would be informed of my suicide. She would understand it, and she would be sympathetic. At 14, she felt things very deeply; she cannot have changed so much in that regard.